Behind the Mask: Navigating Sensory Issues and Masking in Kids at Home and School

As parents, we often grapple with a whirlwind of emotions while trying to understand our children's behaviors. It's particularly challenging when a child seems to thrive in one setting, like school, but struggles significantly at home. For my middle son, this inconsistency has led to confusion and worry. While he maintains a cheerful demeanor in school, he experiences distressing meltdowns at home. He has a baby brother who is just 18 months old, so we suspect some middle child issues, but have been trying to give more attention, but with no real avail to behavior issues at home. Lately, we have wondered about masking at school, and today we will dive into what masking entails, especially regarding sensory issues.

Understanding Masking in Children

Masking refers to a child's effort to hide their genuine feelings or behaviors in order to fit in or meet outside expectations. This strategy often develops over time and can be particularly pronounced in children with sensory sensitivities or those on the autism spectrum. For instance, a child might smile and engage actively in a classroom discussion, but once they return home, they let out their frustrations and sadness, shedding the persona they have maintained throughout the day.

In my son’s case, he appears calm and compliant at school, often praised by teachers for his good behavior. However, at home, this changes significantly. The moment he walks through the door, he seems to let his guard down, and his behavior shifts dramatically from composed to chaotic. This is a common pattern for many children who experience sensory overload during the day, as managing such pressures can take a significant toll.

The Impact of Sensory Issues

Sensory issues arise when children struggle to process sensory information, such as sight, sound, touch, taste, or smell. When they encounter sensory overload, it can lead to overwhelming stress. For example, during his school day, my son manages his discomfort through masking. However, when he is home, that controlled environment allows him to express his true feelings, often resulting in explosive reactions, anxiety, or withdrawal.

Consider a tightly coiled spring. Just like that spring, which can only hold so much tension before it snaps, so too does my son reach his limit. At home, he no longer feels the need to appear calm, which can result in behavior that is starkly different from how he conducts himself in public.

Recognizing Sensory Sensitivities

Identifying sensory sensitivities in children can be challenging, especially in those who mask their struggles effectively. Here are some signs to look out for:

• Reactivity to Sounds: A child might become distressed by everyday noises, like the hum of an air conditioner or the sound of a hairdryer.

• Difficulty with Touch: They may refuse to wear certain clothing items due to the feel of the fabric or become upset when touching certain textures, like sand or grass.

  
  

• Avoidance of Crowds: Tending to shy away from busy places, they may express anxiety in social situations with lots of people, such as school events or family gatherings.

  
  

By observing these behaviors at home, you can gain insight into the extent of sensory issues your child may be facing. My son has sensitivities to noise and often has meltdowns over tags and his socks and how various clothing items feel.

Moving Forward: Next Steps

Recognizing that your child may be masking and struggling with sensory issues is a significant first step. Here are some actionable strategies to support your child at home:

1. Create a Safe Space

Establish a cozy nook where your child can retreat when feeling overwhelmed. Consider outfitting it with soft pillows, blankets, and soothing items like fidget toys or weighted blankets to help them feel secure.

2. Encourage Open Dialogue

Promote a supportive environment for your child to express their feelings openly. Ask them simple questions like, “How are you feeling?” or “What can I do to support you?” This encourages communication and deeper understanding.

3. Explore Sensory Integration Therapy

Consult an occupational therapist who specializes in sensory integration therapy. They can provide tailored strategies to help your child manage sensory overload more effectively, equipping them with tools to navigate their daily challenges.

4. Communicate with Educators

Work with your child’s teachers and school staff to ensure they provide appropriate support in the classroom. This can include monitoring behavior patterns and implementing necessary adjustments or accommodations to help your child throughout the school day.

5. Be Patient with Progress

Understanding and accommodating your child's needs can be a long journey, often with setbacks along the way. Celebrate small victories and understand that working through complex feelings and behaviors takes time.

The Role of Family Dynamics

Family dynamics also play a vital role in understanding masking and sensory sensitivities. With an older brother who is on the spectrum and has ADHD, it’s important to consider how these relationships influence my middle son. At times, he may feel pressure to conform or mirror his brother's behavior, further encouraging his tendency to mask his feelings.

Embracing Authenticity

The journey of unmasking is not simple, but it is essential for my son and many children facing similar challenges. By gaining an understanding of masking, recognizing sensory issues, and applying effective strategies, we can begin to peel back the layers and create a healthier emotional atmosphere.

Ultimately, every child deserves to be their true selves, free from judgment and expectations. It is our responsibility to create an environment where they feel safe to express their emotions authentically. Together, we can navigate the complexities of sensory sensitivities and celebrate the unique qualities that each child brings to our lives.

A safe and comforting space for children to relax and express themselves.

References

Ayres, A. J. (2005). Sensory integration and the child: Understanding hidden sensory challenges. Western Psychological Services.

Davidson, C., & Henderson, V. L. (2016). Exploring the impact of sensory processing differences on daily life in autistic children. Autism Research, 9(1), 34–42. https://doi.org/10.1002/aur.1503

Miller, L. J., Anzalone, M. E., Lane, S. J., Cermak, S. A., & Osten, E. T. (2007). Concept evolution in sensory integration: A proposed nosology for diagnosis. The American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 61(2), 135–140. https://doi.org/10.5014/ajot.61.2.135

Phelan, S. K., & Kinsella, E. A. (2014). Occupational identity as a vehicle for empowering individuals with sensory processing challenges. Canadian Journal of Occupational Therapy, 81(3), 148–156. https://doi.org/10.1177/0008417414537893

Prizant, B. M., Wetherby, A. M., Rubin, E., Laurent, A. C., & Rydell, P. J. (2006). The SCERTS model: A comprehensive educational approach for children with autism spectrum disorders. Paul H. Brookes Publishing.

Williams, D. (1996). Autism: An inside-out approach. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.