The Power of the Pause: How Taking a Moment Can Transform Parenting Strong-Willed and Neurodivergent Kids

Parenting strong-willed or neurodivergent kids is no easy task. The emotions are big, the challenges are constant, and it often feels like you’re living on the edge of a meltdown—yours or theirs. If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably had moments where you react before you even realize what’s happening, only to regret it later.

But here’s the thing: we don’t have to have all the answers in the heat of the moment. In fact, one of the most powerful tools we have as parents is the pause.

Why the Pause Matters

Pausing before reacting might seem small, but it’s a game-changer. Taking a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts can help you respond with calm and intention instead of escalating the situation.

For our kids—especially those who are neurodivergent or strong-willed—big emotions can be overwhelming. When we react quickly and emotionally, it often adds fuel to the fire. Pausing, on the other hand, creates space for connection. It gives us a chance to model self-regulation, and it helps our kids feel seen and heard, even when they’re struggling. I am not going to lie, this is a skill that was hard at times for me to learn and model, but like any skill it can be improved over time.

A Real-Life Example

Even today, I had to remind myself to pause. My six-year-old was in full freak-out mode, refusing to get buckled into the car. He was flailing and crying, and I could feel myself tensing up. The first instinct is always to hurry the process along, maybe even to raise my voice out of frustration.

But instead, I stopped. I took a breath and turned around and tried to get down on his level. “What’s going on, buddy?” I asked calmly. He didn’t answer right away, but I encouraged him to take a breath too. Eventually, through his tears, he managed to tell me that the buckle was pinching his shirt, and he couldn’t fix it.

It was such a simple issue, but to him, it was enormous in that moment. Because I paused, we were able to fix it together before the situation spiraled into a full-blown meltdown. That tiny pause saved us both from unnecessary frustration.

How to Practice the Pause

Pausing in the heat of the moment isn’t easy—it’s a skill that takes practice. Here are a few tips to help you incorporate it into your parenting toolbox:

1. Take a Deep Breath

   
   

   When you feel your frustration rising, stop and take a slow, deep breath. It’s amazing how something so simple can shift your mindset.

   
   

2. Count to Ten

   
   

   This classic trick works. Giving yourself a few seconds to gather your thoughts can make a world of difference.

   
   

3. Use a Mantra

   
   

   A quick reminder like “connection over correction” or “respond, don’t react” can help center you in the moment.

   
   

4. Lower Your Voice

   
   

   Speak softly—it’s a surprising way to diffuse tension. It forces everyone to slow down and focus.

   
   

5. Model It for Your Kids

   
   

   When your child is upset, encourage them to pause too. Teach them to take a deep breath, count, or express what they’re feeling. It’s a skill they’ll carry with them as they grow.

   
   

Final Thoughts

Pausing doesn’t fix every situation, and it won’t always be perfect. There will still be moments when emotions take over—but that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s progress. Every time you choose to pause, you’re showing your child how to handle tough moments with grace and self-control.

So, the next time you’re in the middle of a meltdown—whether it’s theirs or yours—remember to pause. Breathe. Create space for connection. You might be surprised by how much it helps.

Have you tried “the pause” in your parenting? What works for you when emotions run high? Share your tips in the comments—I’d love to hear your stories!