The Brain’s Secret Superpower: How Executive Functioning Shapes Your Child’s Success

Introduction: Why Executive Functioning Matters

Every parent wants to raise a child who can navigate life’s challenges with confidence and independence. But what if one of the most crucial skills for success isn’t taught in schools, doesn’t appear on report cards, and can’t be measured by a standardized test? That’s where executive functioning skills come in.

Executive functioning refers to a set of cognitive processes that allow us to successfully plan, focus, remember instructions, and manage multiple tasks. For neurodivergent children—especially those with ADHD, ASD, or sensory processing disorder—executive functioning skills often develop more slowly or differently than in neurotypical children. But here’s the good news: these skills can be taught and strengthened.

In this blog post, we’ll explore the science behind executive functioning, how it develops, why it’s so crucial for kids, and, most importantly, how you, as a parent, can help.

What Is Executive Functioning?

Executive functioning is like the brain’s “air traffic control system,” as described by researchers at the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. It helps us prioritize, plan, and organize our thoughts and actions to achieve goals. These skills are essential for everything from managing emotions to solving math problems to remembering to pack a lunch.

According to Diamond (2013), executive functioning consists of three core components:

1. Working Memory – The ability to hold and manipulate information in your mind.

2. Cognitive Flexibility – The ability to switch perspectives or adapt to new information.

3. Inhibitory Control – The ability to control impulses and resist distractions.

   
   

These skills form the foundation for higher-level abilities like problem-solving, time management, emotional regulation, and self-monitoring. Children rely on these skills daily at home, school, and social situations.

How Executive Functioning Develops in Kids

Executive functioning develops slowly and is closely linked to the maturation of the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and problem-solving. This part of the brain isn’t fully developed until a person reaches their mid-20s, which explains why children and teens often struggle with planning and impulse control.

Key Developmental Milestones:

• Toddlers (Ages 2-3): Begin to exhibit early signs of self-control and can follow simple instructions.

• Preschool (Ages 4-5): Start to develop better working memory and basic problem-solving skills. They can follow multi-step instructions.

• Elementary School (Ages 6-12): Executive functioning grows significantly as children engage in more complex tasks, like completing homework or following a daily routine.

• Teen Years (Ages 13-18): The prefrontal cortex continues to develop, which explains why teens often struggle with impulse control and planning.

  
  

For neurodivergent children, the timeline may look different. Research shows that children with ADHD experience a delay of about 2-3 years in the development of the prefrontal cortex (Shaw et al., 2007). As a result, executive functioning challenges may persist into adolescence and adulthood.

Why Executive Functioning Skills Are So Important

Executive functioning skills are essential for school, social relationships, and everyday life. Without them, children struggle with basic tasks like following routines, managing their time, and handling frustration.

Key Areas Where Executive Functioning Matters:

1. Academics: Kids with strong executive functioning can follow instructions, manage assignments, and stay focused in class. Those with deficits may forget to turn in assignments or lose track of deadlines.

   
   

2. Social Skills: Executive functioning helps kids read social cues, pause before reacting, and resolve conflicts with friends.

   
   

3. Daily Routines: Tasks like getting dressed, packing for school, or cleaning up after playtime all require planning, memory, and persistence.

   
   

If executive functioning skills are weak, kids may experience anxiety, frustration, and feelings of failure—especially if parents or teachers misinterpret their struggles as “laziness” or “defiance.”

Scientific Research on Executive Functioning

A growing body of research highlights the critical role of executive functioning in child development. Here are some key findings:

1. Executive Functioning Predicts Academic Success

   
   

   A longitudinal study by Best et al. (2011) found that executive functioning skills at age 5 were better predictors of academic success than early math or reading skills. This research underscores the idea that focusing on self-regulation and impulse control in early childhood is just as important as focusing on traditional academic skills.

   
   

2. Neurodivergent Children Have Unique Challenges

   
   

   Children with ADHD, ASD, and other neurodiverse traits often have delays in the development of the prefrontal cortex, leading to executive functioning deficits. According to Willcutt et al. (2012), 80% of children with ADHD show deficits in one or more executive functioning areas, such as working memory or cognitive flexibility.

   
   

3. Executive Functioning Can Be Taught

   
   

   The most promising research comes from Diamond (2013), who found that targeted interventions can improve executive functioning. Activities like mindfulness, physical exercise, and cognitive training exercises (like puzzles or working memory games) have been shown to strengthen these skills over time.

   
   

How Parents Can Support Executive Functioning Skills at Home

The good news? You don’t need fancy tools or advanced degrees to help your child strengthen their executive functioning skills. Small, everyday moments offer opportunities to practice these essential skills.

1. Build Routines and PredictabilityChildren thrive on structure. Create a predictable daily routine with visual schedules or task lists. Knowing what to expect reduces stress and builds planning skills.

2. Encourage "Plan-Do-Review" ThinkingBefore starting a task, ask your child to think through three questions:

• What’s the goal?

• What steps do we need to take?

• How did it go?

  
  

This process builds reflection, planning, and self-monitoring skills.

3. Use Visual Timers and ChecklistsExecutive functioning relies heavily on time awareness. Visual timers, kitchen timers, or apps can help kids see how much time they have left for a task. Checklists can help them track multi-step tasks.

4. Practice Emotional RegulationTeach your child simple calming techniques, like deep breathing or a "calm-down corner." Research shows that practicing mindfulness can improve self-regulation in children (Flook et al., 2010).

5. Use Play to Build Working MemoryGames like “Simon Says” and “Red Light, Green Light” challenge kids to hold and manipulate information in their minds. Puzzles and memory games also target working memory development.

6. Focus on Progress, Not PerfectionSince the prefrontal cortex develops over decades, progress will be slow. Acknowledge every small win and celebrate progress along the way.

Key Takeaways for Parents

• Executive functioning skills are essential for academic, social, and emotional success.

• The prefrontal cortex, where executive functioning is housed, continues developing into a person’s mid-20s.

• For children with ADHD, ASD, or SPD, these skills develop on a different timeline—but they can be taught and strengthened.

• Parents can help by creating structure, practicing mindfulness, and using visual tools like checklists and timers.

  
  

As parents, it’s easy to feel frustrated when kids struggle with impulse control or forgetfulness. But remember, these are skills—not character flaws. Every time you offer support and guidance, you’re helping your child build the tools they’ll need for a lifetime of success.

Citations

• Best, J. R., Miller, P. H., & Naglieri, J. A. (2011). Relations between executive function and academic achievement from ages 5 to 17 in a large, representative national sample. Learning and Individual Differences, 21(4), 327–336.

  
  

• Diamond, A. (2013). Executive functions. Annual Review of Psychology, 64(1), 135–168.

  
  

• Shaw, P., Eckstrand, K., Sharp, W., et al. (2007). Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder is characterized by a delay in cortical maturation. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 104(49), 19649–19654.

  
  

• Willcutt, E. G., Doyle, A. E., Nigg, J. T., et al. (2012). Validity of executive function theory of ADHD: A meta-analytic review. Biological Psychiatry, 57(11), 1336–1346.

Free Printable of The Parent's Playbook for Executive Functioning Success