Raise Resilient Kids: Simple Ways to Support Executive Functioning (and Improve Behavior!)

Introduction: Why Executive Functioning Matters More Than You Think

Imagine your child effortlessly organizing a school project, remaining composed when a toy breaks, or remembering to pack their lunch without reminders. These abilities stem from a set of cognitive processes known as executive functions.

Executive functions act as the brain's "control center," managing thoughts, actions, and emotions to achieve goals. They encompass impulse control, working memory, emotional regulation, and flexible thinking.

Recent research underscores that executive functions are not static traits but can be developed and strengthened over time. For instance, a 2023 meta-analysis revealed that interventions like the Head-Toes-Knees-Shoulders (HTKS) task significantly predict and enhance children's academic performance, particularly in mathematics (Huizinga et. al., 2024). Additionally, studies have shown that the quality of teacher-child interactions in preschool settings positively influences the development of executive functions in young children (Gavrilova et. al., 2024).

As parents and caregivers, we play a pivotal role in this developmental journey. By integrating simple, everyday activities into our routines, we can effectively support and enhance our children's executive functioning skills.

This article delves into the essence of executive functions, their significance, and—most importantly—practical strategies for nurturing these skills in your child without the need for specialized expertise.

What Is Executive Functioning?

Executive functioning is a set of cognitive processes that help children:

• Start and finish tasks (like homework or cleaning up toys)

• Stay calm in emotionally charged situations

• Shift gears when plans change unexpectedly

• Remember instructions and apply them in real time

  
  

The core components of executive functioning are:

• Working Memory – The ability to hold information in your mind while using it (like remembering multi-step instructions).

• Inhibitory Control – The ability to control impulses and resist distractions (like waiting for a turn or stopping an angry outburst).

• Cognitive Flexibility – The ability to switch perspectives and adapt to new information (like being okay with a change in plans).

These skills allow kids to plan ahead, follow through on tasks, and solve problems — all things they need to succeed at school, at home, and later in life as adults.

Why Executive Functioning Skills Matter

Think about the moments that challenge your child the most:

• Big feelings and meltdowns

• Not following instructions

• Procrastination or giving up on a task

These are all signs that executive functioning skills may need a little boost. The good news is that these skills aren't set in stone — they develop slowly over time, with growth continuing into a person's mid-20s.

For neurodivergent children (like those with ADHD, ASD, or SPD), executive functioning skills may develop on a different timeline or require more support. But with consistent practice, these kids can build the tools they need to thrive.

Here’s why executive functioning skills matter:

Better Academic Success: Kids with strong executive functioning can follow instructions, stay organized, and complete multi-step tasks.

Social-Emotional Growth: These skills help kids manage emotions, pause before reacting, and problem-solve during social conflicts.

Life Skills & Independence: Executive functioning allows kids to plan, organize, and manage themselves — skills they'll need for adulthood.

How Parents and Caregivers Can Build Executive Functioning Skills

You don’t need fancy equipment or hours of extra time to build your child’s executive functioning skills. Everyday moments are filled with opportunities to nurture these essential abilities. Here’s how you can do it.

1️⃣ Build Working Memory (The Brain’s Sticky Note System)

What it does: Helps kids hold information in their mind long enough to complete tasks.

Why it matters: Without it, kids forget instructions, lose track of multi-step tasks, and constantly need reminders.

How You Can Build It:

• Use Checklists – Create simple, visual checklists for daily routines like "Morning Tasks" or "Bedtime Steps."

• Play Memory Games – Games like "Simon Says" and "I Spy" build working memory in playful ways.

• Practice Repeating Instructions – When you give instructions, ask your child to repeat them back to you.

Example in Action:

If you ask your child to get ready for bed, instead of saying, “Go brush your teeth, put on pajamas, and get in bed,” you might say, “Can you repeat back what you need to do to get ready for bed?” This small change strengthens their working memory over time.

2️⃣ Strengthen Inhibitory Control (The Brain’s Brake System)

What it does: Allows kids to pause, think, and make better choices instead of acting on impulse.

Why it matters: Without it, kids may interrupt conversations, grab toys from others, or throw fits when things don’t go their way.

How You Can Build It:

• Play Impulse Control Games – Games like “Red Light, Green Light” and “Freeze Dance” teach kids to pause and control impulses.

• Use Visual Timers – Set a timer for transitions, like cleaning up toys or finishing screen time. Kids are less likely to resist transitions when they can see how much time is left.

• Create a Calm-Down Plan – Teach your child to pause and breathe before reacting. Try a simple breathing technique: Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 6.

Example in Action:

Your child is upset because they can’t have a second cookie. Instead of saying, "Stop yelling," you might say, “I see you’re upset. Let’s take a big breath together, and then we’ll figure out a plan.” By modeling self-control, you give your child the tools to regulate themselves.

3️⃣ Increase Cognitive Flexibility (The Brain’s "Go with the Flow" Skill)

What it does: Helps kids adapt when things don’t go as planned.

Why it matters: Without it, kids struggle with change (like a canceled playdate) and have difficulty shifting gears between activities.

How You Can Build It:

• Practice “What If” Scenarios – Talk through "what if" situations to prepare kids for the unexpected (e.g., “What if it rains during our park day? What could we do instead?”).

• Model Flexibility—When plans change, talk about it. Say, “It looks like the restaurant is closed. No big deal—let's find a new spot!”

• Praise Flexible Thinking – When your child handles a change well, name it! “Wow, I noticed you stayed calm even though we had to change our plans.”

Example in Action:

Your child is upset because a friend cancels a playdate. Instead of focusing on disappointment, you might say, “That’s frustrating, I get it. But since we have extra time, what should we do instead?” This reframing strengthens cognitive flexibility.

4️⃣ Encourage Emotional Regulation (The Brain’s Calm-Down Tool)

What it does: Helps kids identify, understand, and manage big emotions.

Why it matters: Without it, kids may have intense meltdowns, difficulty with transitions, or emotional outbursts.

How You Can Build It:

• Name Feelings Together – Help your child identify what they’re feeling. “You seem frustrated. Do you feel that way?”

• Create a Calm-Down Space – Designate a cozy spot with sensory toys, pillows, and calming items.

• Teach Breathing Exercises – Practice "box breathing" (inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4).

Example in Action:

Your child is frustrated over homework. Instead of saying, "Calm down!" you might say, “This feels like a lot right now, huh? Let's take 4 big breaths and start together.” This builds their ability to manage big feelings on their own.

Progress, Not Perfection

Building executive functioning skills is a journey, not a race. Every small moment counts. When you guide your child through a frustrating transition, help them remember multi-step instructions, or encourage them to take a deep breath — you’re building their skills one step at a time.

You don’t need to be perfect. Your child doesn’t either.

Small wins lead to big growth.

Final Takeaway: Simple Steps Lead to Big Growth

Executive functioning skills are essential for raising happy, independent kids. But the best part? You don’t need complicated tools to teach them. Small, everyday moments make all the difference. I don't know about you, but this gives me comfort.

By encouraging routines, checklists, breathing exercises, and “what if” scenarios, you’re shaping your child’s ability to handle life’s challenges with grace and flexibility.

These skills aren’t built in a day, but they will grow with love, patience, and support.

Which strategy are you most excited to try first? Let me know in the comments!

Citations:

• Huizinga et. al. (2023). The predictive power of Head-Toes-Knees-Shoulders (HTKS) on children’s academic performance: A meta-analytic review. Frontiers in Psychology. Retrieved from https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1365993/full

• Gavrilova et. al. (2023). The impact of teacher-child interactions on the development of executive functioning in early childhood education. Frontiers in Education. Retrieved from https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/education/articles/10.3389/feduc.2024.1421037/full